Temper, Temper

Because I refer occasionally to the hot temper of my childhood and youth, individuals who have had struggles with their tempers have come to me hoping for encouragement. Believe me, I do understand. As I was becoming a young adult, I realized that my temper could easily destroy my hopes for a successful career as a teacher; not to mention, it would completely unfit me for marriage or being a parent. I was very afraid that I would turn out no better than my hotheaded parents. Some have come to me concerned that their temper was hurting their marriage. No doubt about it. Losing one’s temper definitely is not good for careers and relationships.

Hot Headed Parents

Parents who can’t control their tempers do much damage to their children. They cause much pain and anger with which their children will likely struggle for a lifetime. Often these same parents expect their children to listen to them but ignore their example. Really, that is not a reasonable expectation! That’s called hypocrisy. Do as I say, not as I do. These same parents often expect the school and the church to turn their children into model Christians. But, when the school or church cannot make up for what’s lacking in the home, they still blame the school or church.

What the Children Need to See

The most impacting testimony for the value of being a Christian that these children need is to see is the transforming power of Christ change the parent into a Spirit-controlled Christian (2 Cor. 5:17). Unfortunately, this won’t happen without the parent honestly facing the problem (Rom. 3:10-19, 23; Jer. 3:13; Ps. 51:3). Admitting one’s need is a tremendous struggle, but there can be no repentance and conversion without it. Blaming a child will never change the parent. Such a parent needs the courage to acknowledge his or her own sinfulness. The only way to find that courage is to immerse oneself in the love of God (Jer. 31:3, John 3:16, 12:32, Rom. 8:35-39, 1 John 4:10). Reading The Desires of the Ages and prayer time did that for me.

Conversion and Sanctification Is the Answer

Just before my 23rd birthday, a deep repentance and powerful conversion experience changed everything. While I found that my temper was subdued by God’s grace, I also learned that it’s still in my DNA. So, if I neglect my devotional and prayer life, my temper can have a resurrection, so to speak. In that case, normally it reveals itself first as restlessness. Then it shows as impatience. If I recognize those symptoms as a call to prayer, then I can head it off before it comes out as bad temper. How does that work? For a person who has experienced the new birth, prayer time is a renewal of that repentance and surrender to God that allows God to again give a new heart. The temper (or any other sin) is subdued once again by God’s grace (Rom. 8:9-14, 2 Cor. 10:3-5, Gal 2:20, 5:16, Eph. 3:16-20, 2 Peter 2:9). This is sanctification that works for a lifetime.

An Insight into Sanctification

The closer one is walking with God, the more aware they become of the tendency of their own heart toward temper or any other form of sin and selfishness. They are the last people to think that they are so good. However, this acute awareness of their own evil tendency makes them hear those calls to prayer so that they find grace to help in time of need (Heb. 4:14-16). They see Jesus as their ever present helper in every difficulty (Phil. 4:13, Heb. 7:25, 1 Peter 5:5-11). They are truly humble. They are at peace. They have a contagious joy in the Lord. They become magnets for Jesus, especially to the children.

Fred Dana, Associate Pastor